Thursday, April 8, 2010

Pushing Away the Grey

There are days when all I feel are the negative things. I'm angry, frustrated, resentful. Rage simmers below the surface and all I can do is clench my jaw and hold it in. A grey haze surrounds me and I feel isolated. I become strictly task-oriented, doing one thing at a time just to get through the day.

This is a cycle for me. I can sometimes pull myself out with the satisfaction of completing a checklist. Most of the time, however, I need someone else to do it for me--to help me put things in perspective and to make me feel like I am worthy. Humans are social creatures, we need people in our lives who help us feel connected. 

And then there are the random things I see that help me come back to normal. An unexpected glimpse of flowers among the rocks of a retention pond, for example. A small touch of beauty in an unexpected place. It brings a smile and breaks my tunnel vision, allowing me to see the good things--the beautiful things--hidden among the mundane.